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29 August 2007 @ 06:15 pm
Yeah so I feel kinda crappy.

I don't want to go into specifics but lets just say that things are changing and I don't like it. Not that I have any say in these changes - they'll happen whether I agree with them or not. And they're not major changes for the most part. I just think the weird mood i'm in at the moment is magnifying things and making me react worse than I should be reacting.

If I had just taken this first change with the pinch of salt I should have taken it with [as opposed to getting majorly freaked out and causing unnecessary drama, panic and confusion in my own head] then it would have blown over by now and things would be nowhere near as tense and confusing as they are now.

I no longer know where I stand. And anybody who knows me will know that I like to know the score, what the plans are and where I stand. And that frightens me. I don't know wether i'm coming or going and who I can talk to and who I can't and if I do talk to them, what I am and am not allowed or meant to say. It's messing my head up and I know it's all my fault. I've needlessly made things worse for myself [and others] and I hate that.

Why can I never just accept that some things are just not meant to be, and that there are some people you need to leave alone for a while to for things to get better. I hate feeling like this and I hate not knowing how I can NOT feel like this. I can't fix what i've done, can't take back what I said or how I reacted. I just wish I knew where to go from here to make things better. Space. But how do you give space to somebody when you're lonely and homesick and want to be around them. I guess i'm just going to have to deal with it myself and hope the situation sorts out soon.
.:~¤b¤~:.: forgoodlady_macbeth on August 29th, 2007 09:32 pm (UTC)
Oh honey *cuddles* I hope everything sorts itself out soon...life is so complicated and annoying sometimes, eh? I know I'm not exactly close by anymore, but if you *ever* need to chat, I'm always a text or an email away. Always.

Rosieonlyalmosthere_ on August 29th, 2007 10:01 pm (UTC)

I hope everything works out soon for you, darlin - whatever it is. I'm at work all day tomorrow (le boo) but I will finally get round to emailing you on Fri! Also, can you send me an email with your address?